I asked another question on here a few weeks ago about my step children getting sick/being sick/pretending to be sick every time they come here. Well, they are five and seven and are with us every other week. For a month straight they would get diarrhea/or puke at night time at least one day they were with us. Well 2 weeks ago when they were with us, they did not get sick at all. I showed them extra attention the last time they were here and love bc I thought maybe they were gettin stressed out that a new baby is on the way, being shuffled between two houses, or something is bothering them at school. They wont talk about their feelings even though my husband I have tried. I have kept this extra attention up again this week that they have been here too. I know that some people may take offensive to this but I think that they have psychological problems or emotional problems.
Well, last night my stepdaughter told me she felt sick, but I suspected that it was cuz she didnt want to eat the supper that my husband cooked. She said she had a headache so we gave her tylenol and said to lay down. She came back out a half hour later and we offered her something else to eat and of course she did eat it bc I knew that she was hungry and I didnt think she was really sick at all. Thats just what I think though.
Well, this morning my step son said he had a headache and didnt want to sing at the Easter sunday service, but he did want to do the easter egg hunt so I said if your well enough to do that your well enough to sing. I would do the same thing if he was my natural child too.
Well, also both of the kids always have issues with food it seems like. They took like two bites of their food at easter church breakfast and I didnt force them to eat any more cuz I’m afraid they will puke on purpose or something. I think they use this to their advantage (sure some of you will be offensive about that, but i think its true).
Well after my step son got his candy he appeared to be "well" again. Well at supper time he did eat most of his food but afterwards he whined that he had a headache like his sister did the day before. So we gave him tylenol sent him to bed with a trash can by his bed cuz last time he only said he had a headache and puked in the middle of the night too. I said that he needed to try to make it to the toilet but the trash can is there in case he cant.
I just am really puzzled and upset about the behavior because I think that they are emotionally disturbed and need counseling which my husband and I are working on getting taken care of soon. Although, my husband just thinks kids are kids, but I think this is a more serious issue and that the kids dont like being shuffled back and forth all the time or something else is bothering them but I cant imagine what.
Also, these kids have been to the doctor by me because neither one of their parents would take them bc they refuse to believe there is a problem and that kids just get sick. The doctor says nothing is wrong with them physically but she thinks that they have psychological issues and need to be seen by a counselor. I have begged my husband to agree, which he has, but I know that he is reluctant. Can any one give me any pointers on how to deal with these kids since I am the one that is around them a lot bc hubby works way more than I do? Please dont be rude. I am tryin to get them the help that they need. I also have a one year old son with my husband and it is very hard juggling my time, but I try my best. I want to have the best environment possible and stop these kids from their most likely manipulative behaviors/ pyschological illnesses that could be passed on to my natural son.
Also, I have cleaned and sanitized my house inside and out, so I know that the kids are not getting sick from a dirty household or enviroment. We live in a safe clean environment with large thanks due to me. My husband isnt the one that cleans up any of their diahrrea or puke. He makes me do that all the time…is that really fair or what? Who knows.
I have been married to their dad for almost 2 years. They have been in and out of our house many times. I do not know what they could be allergic to considering i havent changed cleaning products and vacuum and dust regulary. Doctor does not think household cleaners are an issue although they could possibly have other allergies I’m sure, but to who knows what. It’s not like they have been exposed to ne thing different. Their mother is a heavy smoker and drinker at her house…so maybe that could be some of the problem…who knows?!
I just want the problems and issues fixed. Please help and thanks
.
they are not getting sick at their mothers according to their mother……….
have had to force my husband to give them extra time and attention bc it seems sleep, tv, and computer are more important when he is home from work. it is not my fault that he doesnt give them the attention they need, i hope that a counselor can stress to him that he does need to give them more attention, but also not give them everything they want either. i think they just need a balance of attention from both their mom and dad, and maybe that would happen if their dad didnt put so much responsibility on me…who knows…………..
they had no problem adjusting to their younger half brother and we have made them feel just as loved now as then for this new baby coming…why would it be an issue now?
7 Responses
Terri J
January 7th, 2010 at 9:02 am
1You never know for sure, but my guess is that this is both psychological and behavioral. Either way, they’d benefit from a counselor.
It always amazes me that parents tear their kids’ lives upside down and then expect them to just roll with the punches. I’m glad to see that you are willing to consider counseling; I hope your husband will support this as well.
In the meantime, if you buckle every time they mention a headache or sick stomach, they’re going to hold you hostage, and the behavioral problems will get worse. If a child can’t eat their dinner because they don’t feel well, their dinner should be refrigerated and re-introduced before anything else is eaten (except the next regular meal).
Try to be sensitive without letting them bully you to get their way Hopefully a counselor can help you pinpoint the problems and get past this before too long. Good luck to you.
Barb
January 7th, 2010 at 9:02 am
2Unless these kids are sick all the time at their mother’s house too, diarrhea and puking, I would think it is an attention getter. I’m sure I’m older than you, but don’t know if I would do the tylenol thing so much, I’d tell them they will be allright, get a warm washcloth for their head, pet them a little and lay them down. Keeping a bucket nearby, just in case.
They’re kids, and in their minds they may just think you have taken their daddy away from them. Talk to them about how you are all family and the baby is their little sister/brother. Convince them that your house is a good and safe place for them. Also, I think maybe some child therapy may help, but would try to let them know they are loved and safe with you first.
Oh, yes, I don’t think it is right for you to have to clean up the messes, he should help, but many men won’t come near it!
Bobby
January 7th, 2010 at 9:02 am
3talk to their mom or their dad
Granny 1
January 7th, 2010 at 9:02 am
4First of all they think you took their Dad away from them and now your going to have a baby, no doubt they think their Dad will love the baby more then them, its normal. They are looking for attention, Dad needs to spend some extra time with them alone, just to reassure them no one is taking their place.
Zee B
January 7th, 2010 at 9:02 am
5first off, it seems like your husband could use some lessons/home truths in parenting and being a good husband.
sounds like you’re on the right track. especially since you’ve had them evaluated by a health professional.
your idea of being very loving to the children is a good one. so long as you don’t pair that with extra-permissive. (i’d really think twice about dosing them with tylenol, especially since their dr doesn’t think their complaints are physical, and also since they tend to puke)
another idea: make a rule – sick kids get plain dry toast and bouillon broth until the next day ‘when you’re sure they’re up to real food’.
set up a cabinet or space where you keep ’sick kid food’ (bread for dry toast, jar of bouillon or can of broth, a special mug for each kid and saucers for the toast) and show it to them to prepare them for the end of their meal manipulations. put a big sign on it "SPECIAL FOOD FOR SICK KIDS."
scarlettgirl
January 7th, 2010 at 9:02 am
6Trust your own judgement; you are right on the money. The doctor you took them to confirmed it as well…
Sounds like they need professional child psychological counseling. The kids are uptight (afraid and unsure) and worried sick about something they don’t know how to talk about. They are too young to be able to express verbally what’s wrong; so their stomach’s cramp and hurt; really actually hurt; it’s ‘nerves’. The diahrrea is stress related, too.
(Poor kids.) They don’t know whether they can trust adults or not so they will not tell anyone anything due to the unknown consequences. They are afraid and dont know how to talk about their feelings; so they are sick. When you are sick you get more attention than when you are well. Nobody pays attention to your needs when you are well.
You are intuitively correct in assuming that they need additional attention and it was kind of you to extend your love to them; they need it. They are apparently not getting what they need (unconditional love) at home. Shuffling back and forth is never easy on kids; what they need is stability and predictible routines. A pro can help.
You are in a tough situation. Professional help is truly in order (for kids and adults alike) and there are agencies who can work with you financially on a sliding scale. Ask several counseling agencies where to get help locally.
ProudMomof3
January 7th, 2010 at 9:02 am
7This sounds like attention getting.
Didn’t want to sing at sunday service, but was well to easter egg hunt. Amazing how quick they heal. The girl was sick to eat one thing, but well enough to eat another? Okie dokie. These kids are pissed because daddy is not with mommy. They will try to get away with whatever they can. You can’t let them.
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