12 Responses

1. cocoa

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   1

   I agree with the doctor about these children. They have emotional distress as well as the unstable enviroment at their home. Their mother isn’t setting a good example of being a supportive parent. When alcohol is involved the children are not listened too, nor are their needs met. So when they come to your house they don’t know how to act as normal children. Your place is opposite to what their used to living in. I think the sooner their put into counselling, the better! As we all know children need a stable place to live in, and they must feel safe. There obviously not getting this at home. The father, your husband needs to "Step Up To The Plate" and take responsibility for his own children. If I takes sitting down with each at separate times for an hr. and listen to them speak on whats going on in their life everyday then he needs to do this! When his two children know he’s concerned on their everyday living they may open up and express their feelings. Tell your husband that this is crutial that he reaches them emoitionally while their still young. You don’t want problem teenagers lashing out for the wrong reasons. Children only want to be "Loved" and cared for. "Save The Children" If worse comes to worse, down the road, the children may have to be removed from their mentally abusive home with their mother. Tell your husband" turning a blind eye" too this problem will only get a lot worse in time. This attitude doesn’t help your family life either. It can be fixed!! Cocoa

2. big b b

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   2

   Yes I believe they are jealous that a new baby is on the way, children under 10 still needs the hugging, kissing, story time from their parents.
   So if the baby is born, at least give all 3 children the same love, its hard to not to give 100% love to the baby, but just try.

3. alyssa

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   3

   i’m so sorry for your situation!!
   your husband needs to be there for them. you’ve done way more than other step-parents would do, i think that’s amazing.
   i would say that maybe they don’t want to go back to their mother, but i don’t know. maybe talk to them when their father is out?
   and yeah…counseling should help
   good luck!!!

4. redhorns12

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   4

   Maybe its the AURA of your house. I dont think there’s any problem with the kids or their psychological health. Most probably your house have negative aura.
   Or probably your children wanting attention from your husband.

   Ill get back to you as soon as i get more info about your case.

5. going with the flow

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   5

   I think that they are doing this for attention, and as long as they get away with it, they will keep doing it. my husband’s daughter still does it with her headaches, so her dad takes her to where she wants to be at – when she doesn’t want to participate in family functions, but she doesn’t seem to have a headache when he takes her back to our hotel room, and she makes all kinds of phone calls, orders herself room service and movies and music and everything else. It’s simple manipulations. Tell them that if they are sick, you are taking them to the hopsital, see if they are still going to be sick! good luck!

6. 2Cheh

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   6

   Looking at it from a health perspective, maybe you should rule out food allergies as well.
   For the psychological aspect of it, these kids do sound like they have some emotional problems. Whether they are forcing themselves to be sick or have headaches is possible, it sounds like they might be vying for more affection from dad. Either that or they are making themselves sick so they can stay at your house as opposed to going home to mom.
   I think counseling for you, dad, and the kids would be beneficial. But I would also look into food allergies as a precaution as well.

7. ouragon

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   7

   I’m a mother of three, 11- 26. My step-daughters are 13 and nine. The nine year old can do stomach ache w/ vomiting on demand. In her case it’s a desire to miss school. Sooo, at our house the criteria to miss school is a fever. Otherwise, she has to go. If they send her home (and I won’t allow it without a fever, because I’m wise to her ways) she goes to bed and stays there until bedtime. She always has a 3pm recovery, but she isn’t allowed out of bed all day because she’s sick. Only reading, also. No other entertainment.

   Somehow, this behavior works for her, and I’m trying to make is stop working. I take away her reward for missing school. I take away the sympathy everyone was giving her. I take away the tv and the crackers and 7 Up that I offered before I knew she was playing me. I find out what happened at school and rub in the parts I know it bothered her to miss.

   I do think your kids are a sad little mess to be acting this way, and I don’t think they’re sick, either. I think you should try to figure out what they get out of acting this way and remove it. Above all you should all stop being so focused on the "illnesses" and get them the counseling they need. I give your husband credit for considering this and agreeing to it when he’s reluctant.

   They should be rewarded for positive things, not rewarded for barfing at will.

   A 50-50 schedule that might work out better for these kids is Mon eve- Thurs afternoon, mom. Thurs after school – Mon morn, dad. That way they have most school days with mom for a little more continuity, and more time with dad when he’s actually off work and available to parent.

   Many women disagree, but those are his children and HE should be caring for them. If my husband isn’t here, his children aren’t either, now, because he took such blatant advantage of me in the beginning. They come to see him, not me. I don’t expect him to raise my 11 yo, and I never leave him with her. Take up for yourself, and them, on this issue. They deserve his attention, and they’d probably be happier if he spent more time with them.

   It’s telling that this nonsense didn’t happen when you gave them more love and attention. If this doesn’t happen at their mom’s it’s just not food allergies. They would at least have some residual effects. I think they are making it happen out of emotional dissatisfation.

8. Funny Girl '_'

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   8

   Hm, right. Okay I’m only 15 waiting for my question to be answered. Councelling is good for your husband and maybe the smoking has got something to do with it, as you say, who knows?

   At least you are taking care of these kids, and you shouldn’t have to clean everything up.

   Hope I helped.x

9. sunshine97

   December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

   9

   As long as they have been cleared of any medical problems, which they obviously have since you have taken them to the Dr.s then most likely it is an emotional thing going on with them. Children handle the stress in their lives completely different then adults do. I believe that their ailments are real but I don’t think they even know why. A child their ages wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night to throw up unless they really had an upset stomach for whatever reason. I commend you for spending so much time with them, however your husband needs to realize he is the one that needs to put a great deal more time and effort into those two children. They would certainly benefit from counseling because like I said they probably don’t even understand what is going on with them or how to express what they are feeling. Just from what you have told us I honestly have to say that I agree with you 100%. These children are crying out for help and you have taken the steps to get them that help but your husband needs to be the one to follow thru with it. He needs to understand that as a parent he has to take the responsibility and do what needs to be done so these children can deal with whatever it is that is causing this behavior. As their step mom you can only do so much and you certainly have given this everything you have to give, now it’s up to dad to take control. Continue to do as you are doing and continue to pressure him into getting these kids some counseling, it’s what they need. Best of luck too you.

10. Cliff C

    December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    10

    I experienced some of these same things with my own children after my divorce.You are on the right track with attention and counseling.Just don’t let yourself be manipulated.Your husband should be greatful that you care,all to often step parents just ignore the situation all together.It will get better with time,not that that helps now.Good luck.

11. dr. know it all whocan'tspel

    December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    11

    this sounds just like my kids. they have bad allergies too.
    when the kids are in bed they start coughing and then throw up right , so when you hear the coughingng you need to wake them up and have them blow their nose, if you don’t then they will throw up.
    and when one of them says they feel sick, you need to give both of them medicine, or they will just keep passing the germs back and forth taking turns getting sick.
    kids are fragile and they are adaptive so i don’t think the fact that they are being passed back and forth from one parent to the other parent would make the physicallyly sick, but yes this could hurt them psychologically. i hope this helps.
    also for the allergies give them medicine before the allergies get to them, don’t wait for them to get sick first.

12. penelope

    December 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    12

    Their is no doubt in my mind that these children do have some issues, and these problems can escalate into more problems. My advise is to take these children to a pediatrician, and tell the doctor everything you told us here at Yahoo. Also check the phone book or go on line and see if you have youth contact in your area. These kid’s appear to have somewhat of a dysfunctional life, and really need some stability and proper guidance, and while I do believe that your intentions are good, I must question if you alone are going to be capable of following through with your intentions? As your husband seems to have very little concern over his own children, this will also be his attitude with his next child. And the children’s mom is not very balanced either, nor does she appear to be interested in creating a stable intact healthy life for these kid’s. I mean no disrespect but shouldn’t you and your husband have dealt with the two children that you have in your home right now before bringing in another child to endure maybe the same issues that the other two children are going through? I not only am a parent but have studied child sociology and can assure you that children mimic and absorb what other children do, especially in their own home. Basically their will be similarity’s in your child’s personality and character that bask in your husbands two children. To prevent this from happening to your child, and to minimize it from your hubby’s children will take work from you, your husband and the mother of the children and a pediatrician. To sum it up, children are basically a product of their very own environment, mom smokes, so do children, dad ignores children, children shut down and act out, children get shuttled from one home to the other, children become disconnected, and become dysfunctional. This is going to take team work from everyone in close contact with these children, but it can be done, I have personally seen it. Good Luck